


How do you stop hurting?

by goldenightingale



Category: Magic Kaito, 名探偵コナン | Detective Conan | Case Closed
Genre: M/M, a bit angsty at first, but i might be a tiny bit annoyed with her for a bit, but it will be a happy ending promise, but no worries ran is not hurting, but not soon enough, i just want shinichi to stop hurting, kaito MIGHT hurt shinichi too, kaito will save the day, no ran bashing, shinichi deserves more, shinichi is hurting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-07-03 18:26:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15824469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldenightingale/pseuds/goldenightingale
Summary: Shinichi tries. He tries to keep away from trouble, but he can't look away when it's right in front of him.But sometimes, it's not enough. It's not enough, and he's happy that Ran is happy even though it's not with him, but he wonders sometimes.What about him?





	1. Chapter 1

“No way! Why was it in my hood?!” Ran cried out, kneeling near the drain.

Shinichi held out his hands, hoping to ward her off before she decided to practice another one of her karate moves on him. “Ah, I’m sorry. . .I put it there while I was thinking about where the culprit could have put the phone. . .and forgot about it afterwards. . .”

“Why did I lend it to you?!” Ran yelled, tears starting to form under her eyes. She knew it was silly to cry over an object, but. . . “Even though I just got it. . .”

“Don’t cry. . .” Shinichi pleaded, smiling sheepishly as he tried to hide just how worried he was at seeing the tears in her eyes. He knew it was a gift from her mom, and she received so few of them, that losing the phone was probably making her feel bad as a daughter. “I’ll get you a replacement. . .”

“You’re the worst! Nothing good ever happens when I’m with you!” The tears finally fell, and Ran tried to rub them away just as quickly. “When we went to America, you did nothing but case work as well. . .”

Shinichi’s thoughts halted. Ran didn’t notice, facing the opposite as she wiped away a few straggler of her tears. He knows he had dragged Ran to a lot of trouble ever since they were kids, but surely some good things happen on some of them, right? It’s not as if Shinichi was deliberately looking for trouble—most of the time—and Ran had fun in America! She said so herself!

Biting his lip, Shinichi blurted out the first thing he could think of to get Ran to stop crying. He knew that Ran didn’t actually mean what she said, and people tend to blurt out things that they don’t really mean when they are stressed.

He knew that.

He really did.

But he wonders sometimes.

And as months passed, and Conan happened, their relationship continued to break under the pressure. And after an endless fight with the Crows, he comes home to find that she had moved on.

She had moved on and she was smiling.

She was smiling. Shinichi could count on both hands the number of times he had truly made her smile like that. And most of it was from their childhood days, and wasn’t that funny?

She was smiling, and she was recounting her date, and Shinichi could barely keep his face together. He tries though, because he already knew her heart wasn’t his anymore (was it ever was?), and he could keep her happy just by being happy for her.

He couldn’t be selfish. Not this time.

And he thought he kept it pretty well too. They were walking towards his home, and he was. . .content, just listening to her prattle on and on about this guy, but he keeps a teasing smile on his face as he asks subtle questions that would allow him to gauge the guy’s character. Because Ran was family, and in this, at least the old man agrees with him.

But Ran (and it had always been her that could break him like this), finally ending her long spiel of her date, laughingly says, “We actually made it through the date without any case happening!  I was actually a bit tense throughout the whole thing, wondering when it was going to happen. No stealing, no kidnapping, and no murder!”

She nudges his arm, already turning away from the doorway of his house as she starts to make his way home, “I think this one’s a keeper!” she giggles, a light flush burning her cheeks as she remembers her date.

Shinichi just waves a hand, face already hidden in the shadows as he replies, “Meh, cases keep dates from getting too boring. You can keep your boring man.”

And even without turning, he knows that she was rolling her eyes at him, but she yells her goodbye as he fully enters his house. He turns on a few lights, knowing that she could see it from the outside.

But she wouldn’t see him bury his face in his hands, remembering _their_ dates, every outing from when he was Conan. Remembering how nearly every single one of those were interrupted by a case, and he wonders.

Wonders if Ran expected it to happen when she was in his company, if she never really fully enjoyed being with him because of it.

And he finally cries, because he had _never really made her happy,_ had he?


	2. Chapter 2

Haibara finds him on his couch, sleeping. She sighed, and walks into the kitchen, deciding that the detective could use some time to truly rest. The weeks spent planning the takedown hadn’t been kind to him at all. It hadn’t helped that he had to take continuous temporary antidotes during that time, having to direct and convene with other high profile agents.

She had argued (of course she had, didn’t he see how it was breaking her to see him like this because _this was her fault and he was breaking and she couldn’t stop it_ ), and she had nearly hated his logical mind for that. (But she couldn’t because this was _Shinichi_ and she owes it to him to at least keep him alive until she could make the final antidote.)

Then the takedown happened and she had the final antidote. And she couldn’t give it to him.

Couldn’t give it, because why would he need it? Why would he, when people needed Conan more than Shinichi? When they _loved_ Conan more than Shinichi?

She had yelled, she remembers.

_“You’ll die!” she shrieks, tears finally falling down her face. But she turns around, not wanting to let him see her weakness because he had seen too much of her already, and what would be left of her then?_

_“I won’t.” came his quiet voice from behind her. And she turns around, enraged at his calm tone. Because this was his life they were gambling with, didn’t he know that? Didn’t he know that once again, his life would be banking on the minute possibility that this pill won’t kill him? That she’d have his blood on her hands, as so many already had?_

_“Why do you keep pushing this?!” she demands, fists trembling with anger._

_“She’s waiting for me.” He said, smiling wistfully. And she could see beyond his glasses, see Shinichi and not Conan. And she sees that she could never really have him, because half of him would always be with Ran._

_It makes her mad. It makes her jealous, and she couldn’t think properly anymore that she just blurts out what she’s thinking._

_“No she’s not!” and she watches as his face falls, and she has never seen that kind of despair on his face anymore._

_‘He knows’, she thinks. Of course he had to have known. Hattori had taken it upon himself to watch over the girl, and the Osakan had taken note on nearly every guy that flirts with Ran. At first, he had been gleeful at needling his Eastern counterpart, but she remembers him receiving a call one time._

_Hattori had never called about Ran again._

_She didn’t think much about it, as Hattori still called, asking for updates as Shinichi was stuck inside the Kudo manor. Now she wonders if that one call that made him stop was Ran calling Shinichi. Because she remembers coming inside the house to a severely weakened Shinichi, instead of Conan. She had been horrified, as Shinichi and Conan had switched places just a few minutes ago. The act of taking another antidote so close to each other had nearly killed him._

_It had nearly killed him and now he wants to tempt death again. For her. For Ran._

_Anger rushes through her, and she wants to shake the stupid boy, but she doesn’t because she could feel how brittle his bones had become. And she wouldn’t hurt him. Not with this._

_So she grabs at her hair and pulls, no longer caring as she babbles out reasons. “People are still going to ask about Conan. . .the Detective Boys will demand to see you. . .It’s going to hurt you. . .You can’t make me do this. . .”_

_She sobs, as she feels his hand grab her wrist, gently tugging it away from her hair as if it was her who was going to break._

_He said, “Haibara Ai.” He waits as she looks up, attention caught. And he smiles._

_“You made me a permanent antidote because it was for me. You made it, not because I wanted to return to Ran, but because you know me. You knew that I loved being Conan—I do—but you knew that Shinichi was still waiting to come home.”_

_He turns their wrists, interlocking their fingers together, and he looks at her softly. She is captivated by those sapphires, and in them, she could see acceptance. She could see love. Oh, she knows that she would never be a contender for his heart, but only because she already had a piece of herself there. She was there, with Professor Agasa and his parents. The Detective Boys were there too, and she knows that nearly every person he connects with, he stores in his heart. Because he cares for them, and he had always been the type to care deeply._

_“Who am I?” he asks, and she wants to deny him. But she sees now, just how much he trusts her. And she couldn’t break that trust._

_“Kudo. You’re Kudo Shinichi.”_


	3. Chapter 3

The Kudo manor was silent this night. Haibara was back inside the Professor’s house, having managed to coerce the detective to sleep on his own bed after giving him dinner. Akai was surprised that the girl had allowed him to actually help, considering how protective she was over the teen, but then again, he shouldn’t have been.

Akemi was very much the same.

Akai sighs as he finishes his patrol of the manor. He had never been able to break the habit, though as Okiya, he had been more subtle. It was nerve-wracking, to think that the crows he had been after for most of his life had finally been subdued. They were all still tense, still watching out for any revivals of the Organization, and still on the lookout for stray members.

Akai slightly pulls the door open, unsurprised to find it ajar already. The boya had taken to leaving his door open during their planning phase, so as to lessen the time needed to dash into whatever situation he was needed in. At first, Akai had been slightly offended, they were trained agents after all, but he realized the reasoning behind the action immediately. The boya had just wanted to be there to help, and Akai had been around the teen, and Conan, enough to know that any help he could give somehow lessens any possible injuries that could happen in any given situation.

The FBI agent inspects the room for a second, checking for any intruders (and he might take it as an upfront to his skills as an agent that a phantom thief had managed to sneak in one time, but you didn’t hear it from him), before turning to leave.

He was stopped by a whimper.

Turning back to Shinichi, Akai narrowed his eyes in concern. The teen had started to sweat, and he was mumbling under his breath. He steps closer to the teen, and he catches a few words. “No. . .come. . .save you. . .please. . .”

The teen struggles, entangling himself with his blanket. Akai frowns, laying a hand on the teen’s forehead. It was hot, not the burning type that he used to have when he took the permanent antidote, but fever-hot.

Immediately, the teen’s eyes opens, one hand grabbing his wrist. Akai stills, allowing the boya time to blink away whatever dreams haunted him.

“Akai-san?”

Akai simply hums, not taking his hand off the boya’s forehead even when the grip on his wrist was gone. He starts to stroke the boya’s hair away from his face, watching the slight surprise and embarrassment fade to contentment.

“You have a fever.” He states a few seconds later, when the boya’s eyes had closed again. Shinichi frowns, then opens his eyes slightly. “Don’t tell Haibara?”

Akai lets him see the disapproval on his face, but doesn’t move from his place. Shinichi quirks his lips at him, eyes closing again. Akai huffs, because if the boya’s fever doesn’t break or rises, he’d be facing the wrath of the mini-scientist next door.

Well. He‘d just have to stay vigilant then. He doesn’t have any problems with staying up all night, and he silently takes the chair from the teen’s study table and reclaims his position near the boy. Thankfully for him, the fever breaks just a few minutes before dawn, and Akai was just starting to stand when the teen’s face scrunches in his sleep.

Akai snickers silently in his head, suddenly seeing Conan, when a tear slips out from the Shinichi’s eye. Then the teen whispers, “Goodbye. . .Ran. . .”

The agent slowly sits back on the chair, levelling a stare outside the window. He is. . . disappointed, he supposes, on how Shinichi’s relationship with Ran had turned out. He can see the similarities between his and Akemi’s relationship in the past, though of course there were some major differences.

Perhaps those differences were what caused this break.

While Akai had been Moboroshi Dai when he was dating Akemi, he had still been Rye, and he had times when he had to leave her behind to complete a mission assigned to him. Akemi, despite that she wasn’t an actual member of the Organization, had still been a part of it, so she understood.

Ran. . . simply hadn’t.

He can’t help but wonder, if they had continued their relationship, and Dai had changed to Akai, would their relationship break as well? Akai would like to think that it wouldn’t, but he knows.

His own mother had gotten tired of it as well, and she had admitted as much. The only thing attaching her to his father was them. Shukichi and Sera had been her reminder, but Ran didn’t have any. All she had were promises over a phone, and random meetings where she had to watch the boy she loved crumple in pain over something she didn’t know. And those meetings would still be filled with Shinichi solving a case, not really able to give her his full attention.

So Akai understood. He really did. But at times like these, when he could see how a girl had managed to break the boya he admired and respected when a poison hadn’t, he remembers a little boy wearing glasses.

He remembers Conan, trying to shield her from his gaze when the boya still didn’t know if he could be trusted. Remembers how Conan kept smiling for her, and kept reassuring her that Shinichi cares for her.

Why wasn’t Conan enough to keep her attached to Shinichi? Why, when Conan _was_ Shinichi?

Or perhaps it did. It attached her to Shinichi, but she was prepared to give her whole self to him when Shinichi wasn’t. Because Shinichi was a detective first and foremost before anything else. Because a case would always become a higher priority over the girl he loves, no matter how much he loves that girl.

Perhaps it was better this way, with the two of them simply being friends, or family in everything but blood.  Because, Akai thinks as light starts to creep inside the room, Shinichi would have broken.

He would have broken, because Ran wouldn’t have been able to fully support him in his endeavors. He would have broken, because he would try to lean on her, but she wouldn’t be there. She wouldn’t have been able to catch his fall.


	4. Chapter 4

“KID!” was roared behind Kaito as he turns around the corner. He laughs, and pauses just long enough to give Inspector Nakamori who was completely covered in pink bubble gum a taunting salute, before he runs straight for the stairs that would lead to the roof.

His tricks—pranks—had gone off without a hitch, Hakubastard wasn’t here, he had managed to steal the gem successfully, and it was a weekend so he’d be able to sleep in after this! Really, the only thing that would make his night better was if this gem turns out to be Pandora.

He reaches the roof, and he strides confidently into the open space. Here, he can distantly hear the screams of his fans below, and Kaito just smiles a bit more widely. The helicopter hadn’t spotted him yet, so he holds up the gem to the light of the full moon.

As always, he holds his breath, and releases a tiny disappointed sigh as the gem simply sparkles, no red gem inside it. Not Pandora then.

He turns to lean on the fence, and nearly gets a heart attack when he catches sight of something moving on the opposite roof. He stills, and it shifts again, this time, catching the light of the moon.

It was just a black cloth, tied to a vent.

Kaito loosens his grip on his card-gun, laughing under his breath at himself. That’s right, he knows another thing that makes his heist, actually every heist from now on, better.

Snake was gone, under the custody of the police, and the Crows were finally facing justice. He didn’t understand the full details, or how it happened, but he did know the one that made it possible.

Meitantei-kun.

At the thought of the teen, Kaito couldn’t help the frown as he leaned back on the fence of the roof. Since the return of Kudo Shinichi in his proper body, he had prepared his heist in advance, determined to make it the grandest heist yet. He was nearly vibrating with excitement as he anticipated the days, and who could blame him?

Conan was a great critic, always ready with a smart remark and with that damned soccer ball of his. But Conan was still a kid. He was still someone who was supervised by an adult, thus eliminating immediate actions against him. And while Kaito admittedly uses that to his advantage from time to time, he was looking forward to the full grown Kudo Shinichi.

So he devoted his all to the heist, planning many tricks to amaze the critic. He had it all planned out, deciding to forego targeting him (as it had been proven that Conan was a more appreciative critic when he wasn’t being humiliated by it), and leading a merry chase that would end at the rooftop.

But Meitantei-kun hadn’t come.

Kaito thinks he understands, when the newspapers were suddenly completely devoted to the return of the Detective of the East after his work undercover to bring down the Black Organization. (He does feel a bit miffed that details about his heist was pushed back to the back folds of the paper. He feels a great deal of sympathy for old man Jirokichi for the number of times Conan had stolen the spotlight.)

So he waits.

He restrains himself from going directly to his house, or stalk—observing him from afar. He does allow his doves to stay, though a great deal of that was because Tama kept going back on her own volition. Kaito would have been worried, except Kudo clearly remembered the dove from the Memories Egg heist, and didn’t even try to attach a tracking device on her. Consequently, some of his other doves got curious about this human that looked a great deal like their owner, and was clearly loved by one of their own. So from time to time, other doves would visit as well.

Kaito nearly had a heart attack the first time they did that, though. His doves were well-trained, and obedient only to him, not even tricked by food coming from strangers. So to find some of the flock by Kudo’s house, by a _detective’s house who clearly knows they were KID’s doves_ , he could be forgiven for allowing his Poker Face to drop. He couldn’t go over himself, as Meitantei-kun was extremely sensitive to being observed, so he waits, heart in his throat and expecting the police to break down his door at any time.

When they come home, and thoroughly checked for any tracking device, Kaito allows the strange interaction to happen. As long as his doves return in prime condition, he would respect the detective’s privacy. This time. (Though he was considering attaching a note to remind Meitantei-kun to refrain from feeding them too much. Some of his doves were considerably heavier, especially Tama. That does not bode well for future tricks.)

And so he waits again.

But after five heists missed, Kaito was getting impatient. He simply wanted to thank the detective for God’s sake! Conan had enjoyed KID’s heists hadn’t he? So why not come now?

He hated acting like a detective. Eww.

His first impulse was to visit the detective, but he immediately discards the idea. He didn’t feel like facing the little girl that monitors the detective’s health. Not to mention, after his last break-in, the FBI guy who was still staying with Kudo had practically barricaded the house with his constant patrols. And while they were allies after that fiasco on the Bell Tree Express, it was simply with Kudo as the medium.

Kaito pockets the jewel, lightly jumping on top of the fence before free-falling and activating his glider. He heads back towards one of his safe houses, only slightly hesitating as he spies the Kudo manor in the distance. Surely he could afford to be more patient?

After all, the last time he wasn’t. . .  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know it's a cliffhanger. No worries, I have the next chapter ready!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaito doesn't really remember the difference between who KID is and who Kuroba Kaito is anymore. Haibara helps him.

Kaito thought he knew fear. Actively drawing the attention of someone who _killed his father_ over a _mythical jewel_ in his _civilian identity_ , and having no backup other than Jii, he always had to keep his fear buried under his determination to avenge his father.

Even as Kuroba Kaito, the high school student, he always had to be on the lookout. If Snake knew about Kuroba Toichi, it didn’t take much of research to discover that he had a son and wife left behind. He also happened to be infatuated with his childhood friend who wanted KID behind bars, lived next door to the head Inspector of his task force, was classmates with a nosy blond detective, and was constantly haunted by a witch who was completely aware that he was KID.

Not to mention that he lived in a country where f-f-finny things were a staple food.

So yes, Kaito thought he knew fear.

But he had to reevaluate horror meter as he is faced down with a girl holding a gun. Now, normally he’d think that it was simply a child playing with a fake gun, but after facing down a kid that had access to hellish soccer balls and dart watches, he feels validated in his fear.

He raises his hands, smiles as charmingly as he could, thanking Poker Face as he asks, “Little lady, I mean no harm. You may put the gun down; I am simply here to check on Meitantei-kun.”

The girl raises an eyebrow, gun still levelled at his head, and dryly replies, “A letter could have sufficed KID-san. Surely only an idiot would think that coming in person, _in the middle of the night,_ would think that uninvited guests would be welcomed warmly.”

Kaito feels an eyebrow twitch at the implied insult. If he ever had doubts that this girl was the same as Conan, her attitude and language towards him would have erased them immediately. He totally means to brag when he says that females usually adheres to his every wish (with some very rare exception), and girls her age would usually be squealing by now. And definitely not holding a gun which doesn’t look like a fake to his trained eye.

They have another staring competition before he finally relents and backs away a bit, hopping back to the windows. He turns his gaze to the bed instead, watching the detective sleep with some concern. As far as he knows, the girl before him acts as a doctor, carefully managing Meitantei-kun’s health, as he could not be admitted to the hospital. He was short on the details, but he was sure it had something to do with why Meitantei-kun became Conan in the first place.

If she was here then. . .

“Is he sick?”

The girl eyes him, having edged back to the bed, but with the gun still in her hand. Kaito tries to remain as relaxed as possible. Kaito had never asked, never pried for details beyond his realization that Conan and Kudo were the same. He tried once, having been interrogated before as to why he made the connection, and he never tried again.

_KID wasn’t really a part of the operation to bring down the crows, though Meitantei-kun had informed him that he was simply the decoy to keep the Organization as ignorant as possible. Apparently, Snake was a part of the Organization Meitantei-kun was chasing, though he hadn’t been given many details._

_Meitantei-kun had finished adjusting Conan’s files, making sure to make them appear as if they had come into existence eight years as it should be. It had been what tipped KID off after all, and though KID doubted anyone would have been as thorough as he had been, the terror in Tantei-kun’s eyes when he had confronted him kept his mouth shut._

_He had asked because a seemingly little girl, one of Conan’s friends that followed him around, had handed Tantei-kun a pill, and KID had been given proof that Conan and Kudo had been the same._

_“She’s like you isn’t she? What’s her real identity then?”_

_Meitantei-kun didn’t look up from the computer as he replied, “You don’t need to know. She’s simply Haibara Ai. That’s all.”_

_KID frowned. “You’re protecting her identity then? Is she a famous person like you too? I doubt it though, as I think I would have recognized her by now. I mean, her hair color isn’t subtle at all, you know? But you are protecting her, and she seems deep into this mess as you are. She did give you that antidote, so that means she knows something. Is she connected with Them? Why are you working with her—?”_

_He was forced to stop from his ramblings when Kudo turned around on his chair, pinning him with a glare. KID had seen this glare before, had seen it as he watched Conan identified a culprit and backed them into a corner. Blue eyes had been covered by glasses then, but now?_

_Now those blue eyes had been uncovered, sharp enough to cut. There had been determination and stubbornness in his eyes, but what made KID back down was his expression._

_Calculating blue eyes weren’t looking at KID; they were looking at a liability, someone who knows his secret. KID was no longer someone that could be trusted._

_“You don’t need to know, KID.”_

_He mutely nods at the statement, and watches as blue eyes soften. KID didn’t notice just how soft and warm those brilliant blue eyes were until it came back._

_He wonders why he felt like crying._

“He’s simply recovering.”

Kaito jolts out from his contemplation, shifting his gaze from the detective to the girl who was now smoothing back some hair from the sleeping teen’s face. He frowns, but knows that he wouldn’t be told more.

“Tell him to attend a heist when he feels better then.”

The girl rolls her eyes at him. “Even if he thinks he can attend a heist, I wouldn’t be letting him go run around chasing thieves.”

Kaito inwardly bristles, but replies back in a seemingly cheerful voice, “I’ll simply borrow him then, no worries, little lady.”

“You won’t be doing anything of the sort.”

Kaito ignores the stiffness in the girl’s shoulders. It was irrational to feel so incensed at being denied, especially since it concerns the health of Kudo, but. . .

“Surely a single heist would not be that taxing on him? I promise to make sure that the only exertion he would be doing is simply deciphering my tricks. No running around.”

“No!” the girl hisses. She quickly takes a look at the sleeping detective before going around the bed to stand before him.

“Until I say he is good to go on your heists, he won’t even be deciphering one of your challenge notes. He is _recovering._ While I cannot stop him from solving any murder case that practically bars his way home, I certainly can stop him from exhausting himself any further than that.”

Kaito struggles to keep his Poker Face, gritting his teeth as he carefully replies, “My heist would not be endangering him at all. Is it not the perfect place for him to enjoy putting his brilliant mind to use? I’m sure Meitantei-kun would agree.”

The glare intensifies. “You may go around _frolicking_ and playing around your Task Force, but Kudo _isn’t you._ He has responsibilities and a life he is trying to get back to! Do you know how many times he had to struggle to break the habits formed when he was Conan? While he may be able to keep up academically, his social life practically fell apart. His friends no longer know him, and they do not understand the change he went through as Conan! It is _Conan_ who was connected with KID; not Kudo Shinichi.”

“I can give him a reason to go to heists!” He hisses back. He doesn’t know why his Poker Face had broken in front of this girl who speaks nothing but the truth, but he has a debt to repay, and the only thing he has is a heist. Meitantei-kun would _enjoy_ it, why was she stopping him?

“A reason that would simply bring the spotlight on him again!” Her fists were clenched, and despite their height difference, Kaito feels as if he was the one being looked down on. “You do not understand; you are Kaitou KID. You are a phantom, and nobody knows your true identity. You have a civilian life that is completely untouched by your night activities. You can disappear for months and your civilian identity would not be affected! It is your choice to have a life as Kaitou KID, and it is your freedom to do so. Kudo-kun doesn’t have that!”

Kaito opens his mouth to argue, but then he stops. Because—because she was right. As much as he feels torn by his decision to take up the mantle of Kaitou KID, it had been his _choice_. It had been his choice to become the criminal that Aoko hates the most, and it had been his choice to continue. He could stop at any given moment, especially now that Snake was no longer a threat, and there was no Organizations looking for immortality anymore.

But he doesn’t. Because KID _is_ Kaito. And Kaito _is_ KID.

Kaito is thankful for the distraction the FBI provides as he enters the room, startling the girl into breaking her stare. He pulls down his hat, trying to recover his Poker Face. Thankfully, it comes quickly, and by the time the girl looks back at him, he has hopped back onto the edge of the window.

He is quiet for a moment, before he says, “At least allow Meitantei-kun to make that choice. It would at least be a connection to his life as Conan that can be recovered. Please tell Meitantei-kun that I hope he would get better soon, even without the need to attend one of my heists.”

He leaves, knowing that the girl would at least think about it. A heist is probably the only thing that could exist in both Conan’s and Kudo’s lives, and she knows it.

He buries their conversation in his mind. He didn’t need to get his sight blurred as he glides home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Anyway, to clarify some things, this whole chapter is a flashback. It’s directly after chapter 5, just.. in another chapter. Also, if you remember from chapter 3, Akai was talking about something where “a phantom thief had managed to sneak in one time” this is that part.  
> So basically:  
> Three heists= No show Shin-chan (Chap 5)  
> So KID visits, and the flashback thingy (Chap 5)  
> And KID reminisces on it= Fifth heist (Chap 4)  
> Why did I not just make it in chronological order you ask? Because my brain didn’t think of it in chronological order. Also, I’m a bit disappointed that no one actually asked about it on Chapter 3 when Akai had foreshadowed the arrival of KID. *pouts* I guess I didn’t do it that well. Boo. Hahaha.  
> Also, I just realized how awesome the features of ao3 really are.   
> Anyway, enjoy!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Agasa has been there since the beginning. He'll stay even when everything is over and done with.

Agasa Hiroshi snucks a glance at the teen resting on his couch as the news blares out the successful heist by KID last night. It had been a few weeks since the thief had visited Shinichi, and Ai-chan still twitched whenever anything related to the thief was mentioned. Two heists had already gone by, and still Ai-chan would not give Shinichi a response if the teen asks for permission to go the heist.

Hiroshi thinks it’s telling just how important Ai-chan is to Shinichi that the teen actually asks for _permission._ Even more telling that the teen doesn’t even protest much, and had simply resigned himself to watching _after_ the heist was over.

He watches the teen frown---pout actually, the Shinichi-before-Conan would have been able to hide that expression into a frown, but the Shinichi-after-Conan had never been able to do so again. Hiroshi doesn’t mind though, and feels a bit guilty. When Conan had happened, Shinichi had become softer, more understanding in his approach to people, and much more willing to appreciate things. He understands that Shinchi’s peers had been blindsided by this change, but wishes that they had at least tried to adjust to the change.

Hiroshi sighs as he places down the glass in front of Shinichi, who looks at him quizzically for the sigh but thanks him nonetheless. Hiroshi waves away the look, knowing that Shinichi would not really want to hear his thoughts. The teen tried to hide it, but he had been hurt at the hesitance of his peers to approach him when he came back as Shinichi for good.

Shinichi understands—of course he understands, but sometimes Hiroshi wishes that he _didn’t have to_. Perhaps it was because they had been neighbors since Shinichi was an actual kid, but Hiroshi wonders why no one had realized that the Shinichi before had simply acted as he did because it had been expected of him.

Sure, Shinichi had really been reckless and completely boastful of his deductions, but he had only ever boasted of them to the people he was observing, and those he trusted. He hadn’t been callous about it, and hadn’t really been uncaring who he hurt with his deductions. He had cared, but the people around him didn’t care for that. They were so amazed by his deduction skills that they had treated it as a show, and not something that could potentially hurt people. They treated his skill as entertainment, and Shinichi followed.

Hirsohi privately thought that Shinichi’s parents didn’t help either, especially when Yukiko couldn’t help but treat it as one of her acting scenes. However, Yukiko knew _how_ to be sensitive (at the very least) and had been tempered by Yuusaku’s insight. They had tried to instill that in their son, to still remember that the suspect was still a person with their own feelings, but they hadn’t been able to make sure it sticks.

Hiroshi knows that he is a part of that reason as well, and the adults around him. It was simply _intimidating_ to see a teen able to see the truth of any situation, that he had remained compliant at Shinichi’s deductions. He hadn’t argued, hadn’t taken the time to remind Shinichi that his words could still _hurt_.

He had been thankful when Ran had become a force to be reckoned with, and Shinichi knew it. He had been worried, as there had been a brief time in their childhood that they had started to drift apart. When they had made up, Hiroshi was observant enough to understand that Shinichi had been pressured to start the rift. And while Hiroshi understands that there are times when society demands that you fall in place and you have to obey those demands, he remembers a girl with oddly colored, but _beautiful_ hair that had been made fun of. Hiroshi remembers nearly falling into that trap as well, and had been thankful that he had an opportunity to fix that. 

So when he had driven Ran home, he had tried to impart that to Shinichi as well.

_“Shinichi-kun,” he starts gently, watching the slight blush covering the kid’s cheeks from the hug that Ran had given him before sprinting towards the comfort of her home. “Isn’t it good that you made up with Ran-chan? It’s nice to see you together again.”_

_Shinichi blushes even more, fiddling with his seat belt before offering a quiet “Un.”_

_“I’m glad you two are friends again. You know, Shinichi, you must have a really strong bond.”_

_If it was possible, the kid manages to turn an even deeper red, and Hiroshi chuckles quietly. As expected though, the kid asks, “How do you know we have a. . .a s-strong bond?”_

_Hiroshi clears his throat in an effort not to laugh at the kid’s stutter. It was rare that Shinichi listened to something that was about feelings, so he couldn’t waste this chance._

_“A bond is strong when it doesn’t break easily.” Catching the irritated stare, he tries to clarify his statement. “Maa, maa. I know it sounds simple, but think about it. For example, your parents sometimes have fights right?”_

_Shinichi rolls his eyes in exasperated agreement. “Yeah, but I’m sure that most of those fights are because Okaa-san just overreacts to everything.”_

_“Well yes, that’s a part of it, but what does your father do?”_

_The kid frowns, hand going to his chin in a move that Hiroshi was suspecting was going to be a habit. “He doesn’t really get angry—since he knows that he didn’t flirt with anybody—but he doesn’t just ignore Okaa-san either.”_

_Hiroshi hums in agreement, allowing the kid to continue his deduction. “Otou-san actually lets Okaa-san be mad. . . but he doesn’t let her stay mad. And Okaa-san. . .she gets mad when Otou-san doesn’t seem to care, but she forgives him easily.”_

_Shinichi scrunches his nose. “But doesn’t that just mean my parents are weird?”_

_Hiroshi laughs. “Your parents have a strong bond because they don’t let their problems cut their bond. They have problems, and they have their own. . .personalities to handle, but they still get through it together.”_

_He sighs, apricot leaves flashing through his mind’s eye. “Sometimes, a bond is broken, and while it can still be fixed, it isn’t the same or as strong anymore.”_

_It is quiet for a moment in the car as Shinichi contemplates that. Hiroshi suddenly feels the weight of a paper in his pocket, with a code that he had doesn’t know if he managed to decipher or not. If he was simply waiting for nothing, even as he knows he would still wait for 10 years and try again._

_“Will. . .will my bond with Ran be broken?”_

_Hiroshi glances at Shinichi, sees the child behind the brilliant mind and smiles. “You just have to make sure it won’t.”_

Hiroshi wonders now, if that conversation had been a large part of why Shinichi had _fought_ to return to Ran. And he wonders, if he had been the catalyst to break their bond. Because it had been Hiroshi who had urged Shinichi to hide from Ran. And it had been Hiroshi who had given Conan to Ran.

And it was Conan that had started the rift between them.

Even now, with the danger over, Ran still hadn’t been told about Conan, though she remains suspicious. She doesn’t ask anymore though, simply accepting Shinichi, but she doesn’t _see_ Shinichi. She used to see Shinichi in Conan, but now she sees Conan in Shinichi.

Hiroshi is simply thankful that their bond is strong, even though it hadn’t blossomed into romance. Because Ran had always been family, and that, at least, nothing can cut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hakase. He has a lot of feels. I feel like he’s a bit OOC tho? What do you think?


End file.
